What A Day

So many things happening today... some exciting, some sad, some ... well, let's just say that it matured me a bit.

***The Exciting Part***

One of the reasons I love my buddy Sheera so much is that I can stay not talking to her on the phone for the longest time, and then we can still pick up where we'd left off as if we last spoke yesterday. When was the last time I called her? Hmm.. how about if I tell you that she'd heard not about my miscarriage (and pregnancy). Yup, that long. The miscarriage wasn't something I wanted to broadcast, even if I do put it up in writing over the blog where people all over the world can read :P I really didn't want to talk to many of my friends after the incident, shutting people out of my life. I guess now that I'm ready to move on again, it is just a perfect time as any for a little reunion. Yay! Anyways, it was great to hear her voice again and I am so looking forward to this Monday get together... Woohooo!!!

***The Sad Part***

I got really sad as K Dlyn went for her last round of visit at my office. Of course we hugged and well-wishes were said, but darn it, I hate goodbyes. K Dlyn is going off to New Zealand a few days after Eid, and today was her last day in the office. It was not helping that K Sal was there with us, too, for she is also leaving soon for Australia. Gosh, I'm losing so many friends in such a short space of time! No tears yet, but I'm sure they'll be a bucketful when it really is time to go this coming 25th at the airport. Good Luck K Dlyn. See you in three years with a PhD okay? (Look who's talking, nyehehehe)

***The Part Where My Heart Grew Softer***

I made THE CALL today. Y'know, the one I've avoided for the past nine months. The call to my friend Annie. It was a bit late to wish her congratulations on the birth of her baby, but it is never too late to patch things up, I guess. I thought that since I'm already on a 'calling everybody' spree, I might as well call her now. And I really DO miss her.

Although it wasn't a smooth sailing conversation as it was with Sheera, it was not really that awkward. Apart from being a bit miffed and cringed when she mentioned about how tiring it is looking after a newborne (how I would SO trade place with her right now), and how mutilated her vajayjay felt like after the normal delivery (I'd take that, too. I don’t mean to brag, but my cervix has been forcefully stretched too during the D&C – TWICE, nonetheless! Don't get me wrong, I KNOW it is so NOT the same thing, but when push comes to shove (PUN so intended), a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do for her baby, right?), and continued by mentioning howI had NO idea how painful it was (painful, but true), everything was okay.

I amaze myself that I am actually okay at hearing that her labor experience, and that she's doing fine, her baby's fine, etc., etc. Of course I never really wished that things would go wrong for her. That's just plain sick, even for my twisted post-miscarriage mind’s standards.

Anyway, at one point our conversation steered to her baby’s name.

“I named her Tasnim,” she quipped.

“That’s a nice name,” I replied, trying to sound nonchalant. I have acted nonchalant throughout the conversation already. I really did think it was a good name. Tasnim is a name of one of the spring water in Heaven.

“I named it in your honor,” she blurted out.

“Whaaa..?”

“Remember that one time, out of the blue, you told me that you liked two names; Tasnim and Ruwaida? And you said that if you ever have a baby girl, you'll name her one out of the two?”

And she went on, “So those two names were forever at the top of my baby names list throughout the pregnancy. In the end, me and Hadi chose Tasnim.”

Then I remembered. The conversation took place years ago, when we were both still in Uni. I must’ve been in one of my guessing games mode, where I go around asking friends questions, like, ‘If you could/were ___(fill in the blanks)____, what would you do?’ In fact, I still play that game, much to the annoyance of my office mate, ET. I must’ve asked Annie something like, ‘If you have a daughter, what would you name her?’ and afterwards, told her my choice of name.

I was stunned. Some people might hate that the names they've picked for their baby is ‘stolen’ by a friend who gave birth first, but weird enough, I felt a bit, well… chuffed and honored, I guess.

Maybe she really liked that name. Maybe she named it in my honor. Who cares which one is right. Either way, it still is very touching that she even cherished the measly conversations I had with her, though I must admit I would like to believe she named her baby for the latter reason. My heart felt so BIG that I thought it might exploded.

But then my heart did a whooosh sound and inflated in an instant. I felt so small when I remembered this....

For the whole nine months, I was constantly blocking the continuous gesture of friendship she offered, avoiding her, escaping her, pushing her out of my mind, pretending I was busy, and here she was, naming her baby in honor of moi?

Even I had to wince at myself. Ouch. What a scum I was.

I confided in another friend about this, and she gave the most perfect answer.

‘Riz, don’t beat yourself up. You might have been horrible to her for the last few months, but those were during such trial moments. And if she still names her baby in your honor after all this, well… that just shows that you must’ve been a great friend to her at some point of her life. And it’s not too late to still be that great friend once more.’

You know what? She’s right.

I SO don't deserve friends like these. But starting today, I'll cherish the ones I still have by my side, for my heart has now grown softer.

What a day....

Happy 31st, Hubs!

Last Saturday was Hubs 31st Birthday. We had a small celebration for him at his mom's in Muar. The birthday boy even requested Dear Mommy to cook Lodeh for him. Yummmm...

Look how full the dining table is, all just for this special occasion...

Looks like someone had a hard time deciding at Secret Recipe and just couldn't decide between the Marble Cheesecake, Blueberry Cheesecake, Tiramisu Cheesecake, American Boston Cheesecake and God-know-what-else-cheesecake, hence the mumbo-jumbo birthday cheese cake.

No brownie point for guessing what a 'hantu' cheesecake Hubs is

Abang,

Happy Birthday.

Love you till infinity,

Riz Darling :D

Have A Nice and Safety Friday, y'All

It was a typical morning. After dropping my husband at his office, I took the car drove and down the Silicon Valley Road (Lebuh Silikon?) to my office. As I head-banged to Sheila On 7 on my CD player, an ambulance from the Student's Health Centre overtook me. I was a bit puzzled, because the nearest hospital was located the opposite way, but I figured the ambulance was probably on its way to get some sick students at 10th ot 11th College, and then head back to the hospital (which was the other way). My scandalous mind began thinking, 'Could some students be giving birth?'.

Shame on me, coz it wasn't anything like that at all.

Up ahead, there was an accident near the Faculty of Modern Languages and Communication. The accident seemed to have just taken place, for the ambulance only got there a few seconds before I did. But they were efficient and quickly got the stretchers out. I don't know how bad the accident is, but there was also a team of Firefighters on the scene, as well as Safety Officers manning the traffic.

I spotted one red Smart car (the car which claimed itself to be the no. 1 car for the environment with 1-door). Do any of you know of anyone driving this kind of car? I've seen this car so around the campus a few times, but I know there aren't many who owns one. I suspected there must be another vehicle involved, I'm just not sure whether it's another car, or maybe a motorcycle.

I had wanted to stop my car and snap pics of the wreck so bad, but I kept going. If I'd learnt anything at all during my undergrad days with the Red Crescent, it's to keep on moving when expert help is already here. Bystanders will only make the scene more crowded, interfering with the flow of traffic and in many cases, delay the rescue work.

I glanced at the clock, 8.08 am. For anyone else, it's another Friday at work. For those involved in that accident, it must have been something else. Isn't weird how such an ordinary day, a day when you get out of bed, shower, dressed, fire up the car and then.... something like this happens?

Na'uzubillahi min zalik.

Have a nice (and safe) Friday, y'all.

Prof F's Visit

Our department had the pleasure of discussing the curriculum with our external curriculum assessor, Prof. F Crestani from the 4 -7 September 2007. For the lack of anything to write (the week went really smoothly, and Prof F was a really great company, but it's Department's secret, sorry, but it's confidential, hehe), here I'll put up some pics of the week.

In one of the meetings...me looks confused


In one of the seminars...


Dinner...

Uii.. Gamelan show... can't miss this one out


Riding the 'Eye On Malaysia' with the four of us; Me, K Dlyn, Prof and Azri. Wheeee!!!
(p/s: how shiny my face is here.. ark!)


After one too many rounds on the EOM.. me got dizzy, hence the face


It was a pleasure to have you here with us, Prof F.


Thank You.

My patience and persistence has finally paid off ...

No, I'm not talking about fasting during Ramdhan.

And no, not about the miscarriage either.

It's Zuma. Stage 13, all completed. Yee-haw!

p/s: I know some people who played this (or has stopped playing for awhile now) have managed to finish it waaaay before me, but this is an achievement worth celebrating for me, for I don't play computer games that much, and certainly a lot less time making it up to the very end.

Syabas, Riz!

Ramadhan is here...

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT RAMADHAN AL-MUBARAK!

Beginnings and Endings

Why is it that a child makes life worthwhile?
Why is hope with each new birth new born?
What deep remembrance, shadowed in a smile,
Brings back the dream whose measured loss we mourn?


My mom had bugged me since last week about visiting our neighbour's daughter, Norah, on the birth of her baby. After stalling for what seemed like an eternity, I could no longer dodged it. It was fight or flight time.

So I once again behaved like a good girl should and did what was expected.

Believe me, it was hard. It took every ounce of strength in the mind and body not to break down in front of everyone. It felt like every single nerve and muscle in my body (especially the face) was working really hard to work up a smile.

But it was so worth all the effort. After awhile, I really was similing in all earnesty.

I mean, who can hate babies right? Especially when they smiled at you at first sight and farted like there's no tomorrow when you picked them up. Too darn cute.

Anyway, here's an update for those who have been following my blog: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Norah and Annie had both given birth on the 1st and 5th September to a baby boy and baby girl respectively. The pregnancies of these two women were especially difficult for me to hear about, mostly because of them coinciding with my miscarriage and all. It was nothing personal. Just me and my messed up head. Silly, the way I behaved, I know. But now with the safe deliveries, I can finally say that the invisible timeline and wall that me and my f*cked up mind had created between these two girls is now really gone.

Welcome to this world, Muhammad Nazhan and Nur Tasneem.
Aunt Riz welcomes you with arms wide open. Hugs and Kisses always...

***********************************************************

Dear God,

Give me the strength to go on each day
Give me the strength to find my own way

Give me the strength to be a little better
Give me the strength to pull myself together

Give me the strength to release all my pain
Give me the strength to let my pride regain

Give me the strength to go on in life and for my broken heart to mend
Give me the strength to bring all of this sorrow to an end

Give me the strength to become me
Give me the strength to truly see

Give me the strength to be like no one else
Give me the strength to be nobody but myself

Amin.

Makan Sakan - Kopitiam

Last Wednesday, the four of us went on a another Makan Sakan session. This time it was at Kopitiam. The food was good, I had Sizzling Chicken or something like that. I loved the cozy interior the most, very relaxing.

The week before it was Makan Sakan at this Ikan Bakar place. Sorry, no pics. Seems like Wednesday is our official Makan Sakan day. Hopefully it'll stay that way coz that keeps us close even when some of us are already on their PhD study leave. However, yesterday (Wednesday) wasn't much of a Makan Sakan, coz we were missing one member. I'm looking forward to what's in store for next Wednesday, perhaps the last Makan Sakan before Ramadhan is here.

PMS247

So the evil spell where everything was going all wrong is over now. Thank God. It turns out the reason I was having such a crappy time was because of ...

I know, too much information, right?

But yes, it was that time of the month again. PMS. Where angels turn to devilish monsters and emotions all mixed up together in one huge martini shaker resulting in one unpredictable concoction. Lethal? Most definitely. Nauseating? To others who have to witness me on PMS, probably. (sorry guys!)

It drove me nuts handling my own roller coaster of emotions, I pity those who were around me and had to bear every single whine, cry, anxiety attack, out-of-proportion anger, sulk and pout. Once a month, I turn into a complete basketcase.

Annoyingly, PMS is also responsible for the presence of this humongusly hideous pimple that just refuses to go away for over a week now. It seems to have discovered that my right cheek is as good place to call home as can be, and has seem to opt for permanent residency right there. Grrr... for the love of God, I'm 26 now. Leave the adults alone. Go bug some other teenagers like a good pimple should !!!

I'm putting the pic of the shameless pimple right here in my blog so that it can have its 15-minutes of fame. Now shooo!

Merdeka Celebration!

What a long hiatus. Where shall I start?

Let's see, Malam Merdeka would be a good start. Okay, before I got married, I was pretty much an indoor girl (I still AM). Never really got to go places except with parental supervision /chaffeur/school field trip, you get it. Since Daddy wasn't much of a fan of spontaneous day outs, needless to say the whole lot of us in the family never ever went on celebrations like Merdeka Countdown, New Year's Eve Countdown, Jom Heboh and what not. So I'd always fantasized about what it would be like to get married and have a husband to go crazy with to all these events. No more parents, no more schools, no one cares, no more rules!

Alas, it is true what they say about girls usually end up marrying someone who possess a lot of the qualities their father had. Yup, my man wasn't the crazy-let's-go-to-KL-on-Merdeka-Night kinda guy that I'd once dreamed of. Hence explaining why we were in Putrajaya on Merdeka Night. Okay, okay, to his defence, I wasn't really feeling like it either. Anyway, my advice is this: if you're really looking for some kind of decent merdeka celebration, forget Putrajaya.

What a bore it was. I knew it wouldn't be as crazy as the celebration in KL, but not this boring. The fireworks were so-so, in my opinion. Since we got there at 8.30 p.m., we got quite bored. One plus point for Putrajaya is for the fact that it was very family-friendly, which could only suggest one thing: Cool, hip teenage kids (so unlike us) were all in KL! Maybe we just have to accept the fact that we ARE old.

To make things worst, the batteries on our digital camera was running so low, and so there was only one pic that could be snapped before it totally died on us. As a result, I had a good fifteen minutes time-out, I'm-not-speaking-to-you moment with my husband as he was the last person handling the camera. (It turned out it was my SIL who forget to recharge them batteries). Anyway, this was the one and only pic.

So that was how I spent Merdeka Night. I know some of my friends had more 'fun' than I did, but well... I woudl be too if I were them. Heh.

Chalo.

Another I-Hate-Life Post, and errr.. Happy Merdeka (An afterthought quickly added in!)

I missed blogging, I really do... but things haven't been too pretty and rosy this past week. Since I've vowed not to write anything too negative here, I've literally kept everything bundled up inside of me. It was everything; work, friends, not-so-immediate family matters, miscarriage haunts re-visited for 999th time, etc. Things that went on was just butt ugly.

After my crazy PMS-induced hormones have surpassed me (I think), I feel slightly better this morning. Just in time for me to wish,


'Jangan Mengalah Sebelum Berjuang. Merdeka!'

Happy Merdeka to All.

Tag: Riz's 8 Random Facts

Tagged by EON

1) Each player must post these rules first.
2) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3) People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Riz's 8 random facts

1. Married, no children, 1 Angel in heaven
   
2. Just finished my MSc
   
3. Happiest when surrounded by families and friends
   
4. Born in Kelantan, but spent childhood in the USA (5 years) and early adolescent years in the UK (3 1/2 years)
   
5. Attended an Arabic school (a Maahad, nontheless) for two years before leaving for the UK
   
6. Loves traditional Malay music and have a REAL old soul when it comes to music (and fashion, hehe)
   
7. Can get easily upset or angry or both (at times), but a quick forgiver, although a real slow healer
8. Current fav reality show on tele (I have two): ANTM and Beauty and the Geek

I tag:
1. ET
2. Pyan
3. Sake
4. Aman
5. Lia

Sorry,I'm breaking the rules. I only have five friends that I could think of :P

I've found something interesting from EON's blog. I hope he doesn't mind me borrowing this off him.

Personality

ESFJs are social butterflies that value relationships, supporting and nurturing others. Never one to shy away from social events, they are often the host. They are great encouragers of teamwork. ESFJs are responsible, dutiful, observe traditions and follow rules. ESFJs have a deep concern for others and often end up as caretakers. They are sensitive to criticism and have a need to be appreciated for the good they do for others. ESFJs are understanding, generous, have a quick wit and a knack for composition and beautification.

Multiple Intelligence
People with Linguistic intelligence love and are talented with words. They enjoy reading, writing and learning languages. They have an ability to teach and explain things to others. They learn best by reading, taking notes and going to lectures.

Common Characteristics Notices grammatical mistakes Often speaks of what they have read Likes to use "fancy" words Loves word games Cherishes their book collection Easily remembers quotes and famous sayings Likes puns and rhymes Enjoys writing Enjoys foreign language Always enjoyed English class

Career Matches Writer (any type) Editor Public Speaker Politician Preacher Teacher Journalist Broadcaster English / Writing Tutor Actor / Actress

Wallahu A'lam.

My Monday

Yesterday was just another typical Monday. But it was special in two ways:

1) I have finally managed to make up for all the days I did not fast last Ramadhan, hehe (all THIRTEEN days, yeah I got it twice that Ramadhan, for those of you who are beginning to judge me - I can hear you thinking!)

2) I have finally I submitted my correction thesis post-viva. Yippee!!!

I am so excited that it's done and over with. But I feel a bit depressed as of today, I'm back to Square 1 on my quest to yet again try and solve the problems out there with my PhD. I've spent this morning with reading and searching for ideas, yet nothing feels right or comprehendable. I struggled to even keep my eye lids open whilst reading this journal. Talk about boring.

Where exactly do ideas for PhD come from? Lord help me!

Golden Heart

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” While these stages represented the feelings of people who were themselves facing death, they also have come to be applied by many to people who are experiencing other negative life changes (a break-up, loss of a job) and to people facing or experiencing the death of loved ones. Kübler-Ross proposed these stages of grief:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.”

I was ten weeks pregnant when I was told I was going to miscarry. I went straight into denial. However, my denial period didn't last long because I was scheduled for a D&C the very next morning. But suffice to say that on the day I found out I was bleeding brown blood, I had three consecutive ultrasounds at different clinics just to be very sure that the heartbeat was not there. Even then, the specialist (yes I went to a O&G specialist) offered if I'd wanted her to perform a transvaginal ultrasound on me just to be sure. I'd declined, because I feared that sticking something into my vajayjay was going to harm my baby (who was dead, by this point anyway, but that's what denial can do to you). All throughout the night I was crying myself out, thinking, could the Doctors be wrong? Do I just have so much fat around my tummy that the Docs couldn't detect the heartbeat? At 9 a.m. next morning, as I was being anaesethized for my D&C, my denial period ended.

Anger set in once I was feeling better and could move about. When a woman experiences a miscarriage, she gets angry. I got angry with myself, thinking about things I could have done better to protect my baby. I got angry with nobody in particular, because nobody seemed to understand me on the same level. I got angry at other pregnant women, who walked around me flaunting their bellies. I got angry at my husband, who seemed so calmed and accepting, why was he taking this so lightly? (Little did I know he was putting on a brave face just for me). Most of all, I am so ashamed to admit this now, but I was angry at God. Why did he do this to me? At one point, after watching the news about a newborn being dumped in the dumpster and left to die, I cried really loud and pointed to the sky, questioning why had God let that silly someone have the baby, only to later abandon it, when at the same time He took away a baby that would've been looked after and loved to the brim?

As a Muslim I shouldn't have said and thought this way, but I was hysterical. Not one of my best moments in life, and I've repented. Hopefully the Most Merciful Lord forgives me. I've learned to accept that everything happens for a reason, even if we never would be able to decipher the reason.

Another stage of grief is plea-bargaining. Everyone has done it at some point. Asking for one thing and promising another in return. While this may not occur after a miscarriage, women who have been in the same position I was are likely to experience this. She will beg for the life of her baby in exchange for something else. I never entered this stage because the time spent from finding out my baby is dead and extracting it out was less than 24 hours.

The stage of grief that most people are familiar with is the stage known as depression. This is when the reality of the situation truly sinks in. Every woman will experience this after a miscarriage. She will think of the child that "could have been." For me, this was the longest and hardest period of all, sometimes intertwined with anger. There were so many suicidal thoughts going through my head, at times, it seemed that I would be better off just to join my baby than be living without him here. If you're a long time reader of this blog, you definitely know what I mean.

Finally, there is acceptance. We cannot grieve forever. Life must continue. This will happen eventually. It is different for every woman and depends a lot on how far along she was when the miscarriage took place. In my case, after July 28th, I became a stronger person. I no longer compare what my baby could've been, what stage of pregnancy I was at, etc, etc. I don't frequent the miscarriage forums so much anymore. It's as if a huge rock has been lifted off my shoulders. I thank God for giving me peace and acceptance.

This is where the anklet comes in. Having watched one too many series of Miami Ink, I understood that having something to hold on to (e.g. tattoo, bracelets, etc) after a sad tragedy can actually help us move on. And it did. Some women who've experienced miscarriage or stillborn get themselves tattoos of babies, angels, flowers, hearts, etc. Some get themselves a necklace with a heart pendant, so that the baby stays close to the mother's heart. I chose an anklet with a heart pendant on it, because the heart symbolizes love. But I need to move on with my life. I need to get up, stand on my two feet, and start walking again after a disastrous fall. I’ve sat and cried in the puddle helplessly after my fall for long enough. This is why I wear it on my ankle – to stand up and move on again.

Alhamdulillah, with Allah's help, I've finally reached this stage. I took longer than some women to get here, but I got here in the end. I might turn around sometimes, to glimpse back at life, but I have to keep reminding myself that forward is the way to go. Life's not always filled with all that is nice and glory, but at least I'm lucky to still be alive.

How I Spent My Sunday Last Week

Hi all, I've been trying to load pics of how I spent my Sunday last week, but for some reasons it didn't want to be uploaded until tonight. So here's a summary of it all coz I'm not really in the mood to write how the day went in detail.

Around noon, we went out to Metro Kajang to shop. I wanted to get something special for dear Daddy's birthday. After awhile, we decided that we'd get him this. Not exactly expensive, but it came from the heart.

Afterwards, we strolled a bit and my husband fell in love with this pen here. So I bought him as a present to celebrate his promotion that he had managed to secure a week ago. Again, it's nothing fancy, but it totally made his day, which in return, made my day too.

Let's have a peek at how the man who just recently got promoted is doing... Babe, I'm so proud of you!

Afterwards, I got a pair of high-heeled shoes (I've been wearing flats for awhile now and it's like I'm suddenly under some kind of crazy spell that makes me go goo goo ga ga over heels). So this is what I got. I also bought my self one other item, but I don't think I'll post it here. It's black and lacey, you do the maths :P

Notice the anklet that I'm wearing in the pic above? Yeah, I bought that one on the same day too. I'm not the type who has a lot of spare money and I don't normally buy jewelleries for myself (in fact never, coz all that I own is either given by my husband as our marriage dowry, or given away by my mom), but this is an exception. I think I'll write another separate post to explain why this purchase was made. It really is significant to me.

Then we went to watch 'Rush Hour 3'. That was an impromptu decision, made 5 minutes after the showing time had begun (but luckily not yet because of all the ads) but so worthwhile. If you guys just needed to relax and chill and not go nuts figuring out the plot and scheme of things in the movie, this is definitely one who watch. Hey, I liked it. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker are definitely a great combo.

At 6 p.m., we got to our parents'. Daddy ordered pizza (4 of it, actually, 2 Large, 2 Regular) coz everyone (My Mom, Dad, Abe, Adeq, Me, Hubs and my cousin) was there. Just as well. So that was how we celebrated Daddy's 51st birthday. Happy Birthday, Ayah!!

I Feel Good

I just came back from a really groovy session of ping pong training {snort}. Okay, not so much training, but few were playing today so I got myself a one-on-one session with this ping pong Guru who gave me soem pointers on improving my forehand. Who would've guessed ping pong is played in a similar manner as tennis but in a smaller court and with less energy (when hitting the ball?)? Hence the name table tennis. Duh, Riz.

Okay, need to shower now. I stink.

As for the event yesterday, thanks for the support. You guys are the best la. But let's put it behind us for now, forgive what needs forgiving and move on with all of our lives.

But I leave you guys with this. In case you need to use it one day ;p

Note to Myself: Avoid (This Guy) At All Cost

Argghh...

I just came back from breakfast with this guy. I so regret sitting next to him. I know he has always been snickered at for being a socially anorexic, no thanks to his inappropriate comments and unsolicited advice, but I thought everyone deserves a second chance. And so I sat.

At first the conversation was going okay, about work, people in general. After a few minutes, the canteen lady brought my sandwich over.

Then it started.

First, he remarked that I had gained weight. Like a LOT. He proceeded into telling me that I used to be slim and skinny (like I didn't know that myself). He went on to say that his WIFE was only huge when she was pregnant, and a few months after she'd lost all the weight (and this guy knew about my miscarriage).

Anyway, what bugged me was that he then proudly told me that he bought a stationary cycling bike for his wife and he made her exercize 45 minutes before she sleeps at night, every night! And this wife of his has to tend their baby and get up to work early every morning too! Outrageous. I feel sorry for his wife.

Did he stop there? No.

Then he recommended some traditional Chinese tea to aid my weight lost, which he had 'tried' on his wife already, of course. I don't know why, but it irks me to death to hear that the wife is being made to lose weight, even more so than hearing him say that I am fat to my own face. It's a woman thing.

He started picking on me for not eating my vege. 'How can you lose weight if you don't eat your vegetables?' he said, suddenly sounding like an annoying old fart. Gimme a break, it was just a damn cucumber slice in my tuna sandwich, okay?

Anyway, he went overboard (again) by saying that women should always look presentable and 'nice to the eyes of their husbands'. I responded into saying, 'What makes you think my husband isn't into chubby girls?' To which he replied, matter-of-factly, 'All guys love slim woman, even when he says you look nice with a little meat, he's really just being nice to you. You wouldn't want your husband to one day bring home another friend for you? (i.e. a second wife)'. Oh. My. God!!!!!!!

Apparently, he knows not what plus-size girls have in advantage. His lost, not mine (or my husband, rather).

At this point, I had lost all off my appetite, so I left my half-eaten sandwich and half glass Milo on the bench and got up. He started preaching, 'The half-eaten food is crying , y'know?'

SHUT UP!

Wow. Did I really shouted those words to his face. Er... yeah. I did. And worst, IT FELT SO DARN GOOD...

I'm so evil. Heh.

What a Busy Friday

Friday was a busy day. Around 10.30 a.m., I was part of a closed discussion session that took around an hour to finish. Then at 12 noon, there was a farewell party held for our department's secretary, K Sue, who will start her new career life at Putrajaya next week. It was quite a sad party, farewells and good-byes are never easy. Good Luck, K Sue!

Then at 1.30 p.m., there was this facial product demo that I had been dragged into attending. I didn't want to attend, honest, but since the turnout was on the low side, girls were chosen at random to 'fill in the gaps'. Blurgh... why me? think my working time is so expendable ahhh?!

Anyway, the demo went on and on that I had excuse my good self and performed my Zuhur prayer at 2.30 p.m. By 3 p.m., I was already in the front row seat in the Seminar Room for the motivational pep talk on, 'High Performers Team'. The presenters were a bit whacky, and the entire time, everyone, including the Big Guns were clapping and laughing and cheering. Wow! I had an embarrassing moment where I shouted tree a little too loud when the correct answer that everyone gave was mountain... (long story). Other than that, the talk was great, for the first haf at least. The second half left people feeling a little uneasy and fidgeting to walk out of the room. Again, long story, but it involved something to do with Unit Trust (roll eyes).

By then, it was already 5 p.m. Around 6.45, it was pingpong time (we had to wait real LOOONNNGGGG because some people from a different faculty was here playing on our ground). Yeah, call me a pingpong table hogger or whatever, but if you had seen them playing from 5.30 - 8.oo without stopping / letting NATIVE people from the faculty where the pingpong table was located, you would hate them too. Okay, hate is a strong word, but something on the same level la kot. Luckily there were two tables, but it was a hassle anyway.

I've got some pics to share, but the pics won't upload. Grrr...

Have a nice weekend everyone (or what's left of it!)

Hello.. May I Speak to the Parent of ...?

This morning I tackled the work that I have been putting off for a while now. I called the 'problematis students’ parents to inform them of the stinky results these students got this past semester. I was not looking forward to it at all.

I feel sorry for the parents. It was obvious from every phone conversation (before I broke the news) that these kids have been their parent’s pride and joy. The parents expressed a lot of love for their children and they really do care about their children’s education. Sadly, most of the time it appears that these students have somewhat taken their parents in for a spin, dodging them, lying to them about their results. The parents got a shock of their lives to hear my news, heck I’m even surprised most of the time because these students aced it during their SPM.

Most of the time I get an elderly parent on the line, who knew nothing about the grading system and a whole lot less about their son’s (yes, all my problematic students are male, for some reasons) performance. I try to talk nicely and let the news out gently, and stress that WE are in this together, and we’re trying to make amends to help him improve in class. So far, parents are very co-operative and understanding. Thank God I haven’t had to deal with parents with severe heart condition. Yet.

Arrgggghhh!!!!! I so hate being the bearer of bad news……..

Guys (exasperatedly addressing my ‘problematic’ students),

Just please play a little less and class and study smarter? It’s just so much more easier on everybody that way.

Thank You.

Ms Riz

My Neighbour's Cats

I've never really liked cats before, and never had a pet cat because my mom never did let me have one (against Dr's advice - my brothers both has asthma). But there's this new couple who moved in the apartment downstairs about two months ago and they have with them the cutest cats! Every morning the cats would just lounge in front of our parking space (which is adjacent to their owner's apartment) and they would look at us going in and out of the car, starting up the engine and organizing our stuff before peeling off to work. The cats are not afraid of us, and looked really friendly I really felt like squeezing and squishing them there and then!!!

But I won't, of course.

The cats are really lucky to be in really good hands. They look clean, healthy, well-fed and have their own nice little castle (fancy cage of some sort). And they have a collar with a cute ringing bell on each of them. They look something like this:

When I was little, I'd visualized the perfect cat that I wanted when I'd be old enough to have one. It looked a lot like those cats of my neighbour, but mine would be of domestic short hair breed instead . I preferred one with orange fur, and would put on an almost similar bell on their collar. I even had a name picked for it, Tinkerbell.

Cute as cats are, I would still scream when they come too close and wrap themselves around my legs at the hawker stall / restaurant. I had been scratched / clawed by cats in the past and it hurt. So in my book, cats are cute, but I would look, but not touch :P

I guess I need to overcome those fears first before I get that dream cat, huh?

1000th Loads

After catching up with tonnes of overdue posts, I would like to add just one more post, coz today is a little well... special, at least to me.

Ahem. ((Clearing throat)).

In the span of three months (since StatCounter had been added in May 2007), it can be seen that this site has had 1000 page loads spot on. Not much, but enough to make my day :D

I don't know if I have (regular) readers, but if you are one of them, thanks for dropping by. Drop me a comment so that I can know who you are. But if you prefer to be a silent reader, you can be just that, I appreciate your visit no matter what ;)

Selamat Pengantin Baru Sabrina

My husband's cousin, Sabrina, got married on Sunday at her father's house in Hulu Langat, Selangor.

Congratulations, Sabrina!

Jalan-jalan, Makan-Makan (Walk-Walk, Eat-Eat)

Okay, this is another 'makan-makan' entry. Hubs and I tried out this new joint in Section 9, Bandar Baru Bangi. It's called 'Soup and Hot Buns'. With its cheesy restaurant name written in neon pink and purple colour, we just had to try it out.

My oh my, weren't we glad we did. This place serves both Western-styled soups (creamy) and the Malay-styled soups (clear broth) as well. This was perfect because my taste was always leaning towards western and Hubs prefered the more ethnic Malaysian one.

So Hubs ordered a set of Malay meal which consisted of a single helping of white rice, sup daging (Beef soup), telur dadar (omelette-like fried egg), sambal kicap (bird chili in soy sauce), sambal belacan (shrimp paste and chili) and ulam (salad), for only RM7.90!

Meanwhile, I had my Mushroom Soup and Homemade Bread (5 slices) for RM6.90. Now, that may sound expensive, but their bread slices were humongus! If I had known, I would've taken the smaller set for less with only three pieces of bread.

We were too hungry that night, so we added two more side dishes, Ayam Goreng Rempah (Spicy Fried Chicken) and Daging Bakar (Roasted Beef). Total cost with drinks and all for two person? RM 24. Not bad, huh?

Let me remind you that I am no way related to the shop owner, nor have I been paid to write this post. I just find this nice place that serves delicous food, and I'm letting you guys out there know about it.

Will I eat there again? Certainly.

Will I take you guys too the next time I go? Sure.

Will I pay for your meals? Probably not, but you could try your luck. I might do on a good day ;)

Makan Sakan - Shokudo

This time, the usual Makan Sakan team went up to Kajang Metro to enjoy Japanese and Thai Fusion food at Shokudo. The new mall itself was nice, albeit a little weirdly-shaped, if I may say so. The fact that it was smacked dead in the centre of Kajang was also a downer, coz the traffic is always so bad, but we braved it all just to try the place.

The restaurant was nicely decorated, and I loved their booths. It was a little on the smaller side, I thought, but we were here to taste the food, so let it come...

Again, I was the least adventurous, and I ordered soemthing like Sizzling Black Pepper Chicken. Don't know whether that's Thai or Japanese, but it tasted good. I give it a three-and a half star out of five max :) It had sticky fried rice, chicken in black pepper sauce, fried vegetables, fried eggs, and corn on cob. ET had something similar, but it was Sizzling Beef or something. Mas had Buttered Chicken whilst Yzma had chicken something too. Here are the pics (again, ignore the dates, I keep forgetting to set them, dang!)

Academic Seminars

I never bothered putting pics of academic seminars on here, but just because I can, I'm gonna... nyeheheheh... there's always a first time for everything, right?

Actually, I just wanted to show you guys that I really did attend that Academic Writing workshop on Saturday, when everyone else out there is enjoying themselves at home, I was here, in this very hall, listening attentively, like a good student should ....... @_@


This pic is from another seminar on Trusted Computing. Not too sure if I'm totally in on this. Anyhow, I guess open source is the way forward to actually be safe in the future :P

Ejan's Wedding

Sorry, this post is LONG overdue, but I'm gonna put this in anyhow... tribute to Ejan

Ejan married Li, her long time boyfriend on July, 29. I'd gotten her invitation, but I didn't have a clue where Ejan's house was, and I was without transport in the first half of the day, so I'd decided that I probably wouldn't make it. Luckily, I got hold of my brother who had lived in Shah Alam for a few years whilst he was at Uni and talked him into going with me. Sake was also ready to go by this time, and he was driving from Klang so we decided to meet up somewhere near Shah Alam. We got there so late around 4 p.m., heheheh.... by then, the bride and groom had already changed into normal clothings, oh no!

Anyway, Selamat Pengantin Baru Ejan and Li!

My Angel's EDD

I haven't blogged for awhile now. Not because I was too busy, but because I didn't think I could write without bawling. But I've decided that I have to document how things went on my Angel's EDD, no matter how hard the day was for me.

Saturday, July 28, 2007.
It was the day I had been dreading/fearing for the past six months. I had promised myself that I would be strong and mature for this day. I woke up feeling quite good. Hubs and I talked, and he told me he had a meeting at 9 a.m. I was okay with this. I had my own plans. I was going to do some cleaning, then laundry, then I'd be out with Yzma and Mas to do our grocery shopping and lunch at my fav Nasi Ayam stall at Tesco Kajang. In the afternoon, Yzma was going to bake some cupcakes and I was invited over. Yeah, I could deal with this day quite okay, I had PLANS.

Then the phone brought me some not so good news. There was a change in plans. Yzma's class last night had been moved to this morning. That's okay, I thought. I'll go over there in the afternoon, no big deal.

Then the phone rang. It was my mom. Things got from not so good to worse.Here's a snippet of our conversation.

Mom: Abang Zameer* and wife invited you over to their son's Aqiqah. The baby was borne sometime last week. Are you coming? It's at 10.

Me: I don't think I'm ready.

Mom: What do you mean you're not ready. You have another two hours to get ready.

Me: I mean, I'm not ready mentally.

.
.
.
.

(Mom changing the subject)

Mom: Anyway, Abang Aderr* came over last night. He told us that his wife was in labour and seeing that it was going to take awhile, he should know after four kids already, he left the hospital and came here instead. Can you believe it? blah blah blah blah.......

*Abang Zameer and Abang Aderr are my cousins. The one whose wives were pregnant around the same time I was. I wrote about that here.

That really got me. As hubs walked out of the shower, he saw me sobbing and asked, 'Who gave birth?' Any other man would probably have asked, 'Who died?' but I guess he knows me too well. My husband rocks.

Anyway, he saw that I was unfit to be left alone, with me crying non-stop, shaking and all, he took me to his office. By the time we got there, I was feeling better, so I excused myself, telling him that I'd be at my mom's.

Well, at some point my motherly instinct kicked in and I swiftly made a detour and visited my angel's burial site, which I have been avoiding eversince the miscarriage. I noticed that in six months time, the tree had gotten so big, I almost didn't recognized whic tree it was.

Needless to say, I wept again. I didn't know if reciting Al-Fatihah was what I was supposed to do, because technically, my Angel wasn't even a person with a soul (Ruh). But since it was the only thing I could do that was appropriate, that was what i did in the end.

Then I went to my mom's and cried some more until I fell asleep around 10 a.m. I didn't even notice when they'd left for Abang Zameer's Aqiqah. I woke up around 2 p.m., and everyone was back already. Sleep is probably the best remedy, at leas temporarily.

So that was how I spent my Angel's EDD. In tears. The exact opposite of what I'd wanted, but the exactly the way I had feared I might. Now you know why I stalled writing this.

My Angel was laid to rest in the grounds underneath this tree. Rest in Peace, Sweet Angel...

Stupid PKNS Blocked Our Water

What a day!

Was woken up by dear husband, saying that there wasn't any more running water in the house. Not good. It was that time of the month and no water supply was not an option. We packed our bags and headed to my mother's. We've gotta move it fast if we want to go work on time. The water had been off for two nights now. Yesterday, my SIL checked with the PKNS Management of our apartment and they said that they weren't the one cutting off our supply. We HAVE paid our monthly management fees so we didn't really think much about it.

So this morning we went to parent's house super early and I had my shower there. Around 8.00, I called PUSPEL, asking if they were the ones behind this (I didn't think so coz I know we PAY the bills every month. I'm in charge of that. Every. Single. Month. Without Fail.). And sure enough, it wasn't PUSPEL's fault.

So, back to PKNS. They'd promised to send a guy over at 8.30 to see the pipes. 8.45, nothing. 9.00, 9.30, 10.00 nothing. My SIL was assigned to wait for them at home. She was already late for work, could not shower and dead hungry (she couldn't look for food outside of the house, in case the technician comes).

Guess what? The man came at 12 noon. And after 5 minutes, he was done. Apparently, the stupid people at PKNS had mistakenly clamped our water meter with the neighbour next door (who obviously is a cheapskate, freeloading, skank who doesn't pay his management fees). Arrggghhh!!! Look at all the trouble he had gotten us into!!!!

I didn't even feel at ease in the office, juggling between thinking about the cause of the water shortage, mending my lower abdomen pain and also work. I think I managed to p*ssed off my SV, for she needed me to work on a paper, which I had sorta kinda dodged and not being a good co-author at all. I am swamped, well at least until yesterday with corrections and today, this. I can't really commit over the weekend too, for we're going back to Muar to pick up my parent-in-laws who just HAVE to go to this wedding in KL on Sunday. But that's another story altogether.

Then there's this Welcoming Reception and Oath Taking Ceremony deal in the afternoon. Out of love for my husband and the University I work at, I have somehow agreed to be their emcee. What an experience that was. Personally, I didn't think my voice was the kind that would make the cut for emcee at all, it doesn't have the soothing and charismatic quality that many emcees usually possess, but... oh well... a promise is a promise.

Now that it's 5 p.m, I'm just taking a little breather and chill a bit. Lord knows I need some serious chilling. I have a workshop tomorrow (yes, on a Saturday) that begins at 9. I need a to go on holiday, pronto!

P/S: That holiday won't really happen so soon. My parent-in-laws are staying for roughly a week starting this Sunday. After that, I really need to go on holiday!

One Day to My Angel's EDD

Hi All,

How are you guys doing?

Me? I’m fine. Just fine. One more day to my Angel’s EDD, but I’m still hanging on, Very, very busy, in fact. I have a correcting session with my examiner this morning, so I’ll be submitting my ‘real’ thesis pretty soon. The distraction is nice, but it doesn’t always help me mask all the pain underneath all the time. And sometimes, when I wasn’t thinking of it to self-destruct myself, well, surprise surprise, someone’s just gotta ask you how you are doing. Even worst, you were asked that question by a pregnant friend. A very pregnant friend whose due date is this 31^st July. No amount of work can keep you preoccupied then.

So here Nore was two days ago, asking me if I was okay. What was I suppose to say? And since she was nice, I just HAD to ask her how she was doing, to which she replied contently that her baby would be due soon, but she was still at work coz she feels healthy. Giggle giggle. Yeah, rub it in, why don’t ya. Okay to be fair to her, she wasn’t being mean or anything. Sometimes people just forget other people’s sufferings in the midst of their own happiness. Well, she deserves to be happy. Hard as it is, I’m still happy for her that she’s having a very healthy pregnancy, and a baby who is as healthy as a horse, but I still can’t shake the sadness away knowing that my own baby who would’ve been here about the same time as hers, had well, y’know, died halfway.

I know that her saying hi bothered me during the day, but I didn’t expect it to be embedded deep in my brain and haunt me in my dreams. Anyway, sleeping that night, I dreamt that I was walking hands in hands with my once best bud Annie. I’ve mentioned her several times before, y’know the one who got pregnant right about the time I miscarried? Anyway, we were going to this bookshop, and once we got there we went separate ways to find the books that we wanted. And upon paying, we met each other back at the counter. Annie, despite her being hugely pregnant and all, carried five books in her arms. She laid them out in front of me, showing her books one by one, which was all parenting related. Then she asked what book I was buying. I only had one in my hand, and I had held it tightly across my chest all the while (at this time, the ‘real’ me, the one who is sleeping and dreaming, was sorta looking at the movie me who was in my dream, do you get it? I don’t know how else to explain this, but at this point the ‘real’ me had no idea what book the dream me got). Slowly, I showed her my book. The title? ‘Dealing With Miscarriage’. Oh my God, even in my own dreams I am that PATHETIC.

I know that under a much different circumstances I probably would’ve been so excited to have my best friends pregnant and laboring away with me. We would definitely be exchanging parenting tips with each other. Would we have called each other and cried over every exhaustion, sleep deprivation and frustration in handling a newborn? But that would be okay because we would still be in it together. Would our children be best buds too when they grow up? Would they play together? Would they even fall in love with each other? Would we be in laws together? So many trips together, so many children events to go to together. So, so, very many dreams shattered. At least MY dream.

At times like these I have to keep reminding myself that this happened for a reason and God knows best. For my baby may not have been very healthy, as almost all miscarried babies are. Even if he did survive, he wouldn’t be the same as others. In a way, it was probably for the best. What if he was in a constant vegetative state, lifeless, with saliva drooling on his cheeks, for the rest of his life? Would I be able to take care of a disabled person then? I keep forgetting that one fact, mainly because I see my Angel as a perfect able bodied baby.

My baby never got a chance to be around to play with Annie’s or Nore’s babies, but I know that he is up in Heaven around with other children of other miscarried women. Yzma, K Liza, NorB, I hope our angels will find each other in Heaven. Allah has promised us that one day when time comes, our angels will be there to great us at the gates. May Allah bless all the women who are in this together, for He is the only one who truly understands all the pain and heartache that comes with it. Amin...

The Prophet said, upon him peace, "The miscarried child will pester its glorious and mighty Lord for His entering its two parents into the Fire until it is told, 'O miscarried child that pesters its Lord! Enter your father and mother into Paradise.' Then it will drag them with its umbilical cord until it makes them enter Paradise."

Ibn Majah and Abu Ya`la from `Ali

.

Sometimes Answers Are Given On the Spot

Wow. Time really does tick fast when you're not noticing. When I first started this pregnancy ticker, it read that I had 270 something more days to go. 270 days! I thought that it was goinna take FOREVER. I guess I was right, in a way, my baby never got here and I won't get a chance to see him - forever.

Anyway, on Sunday, me and hubs went over to my parents' and we were enjoying our tea when my dad's cellphone went, Beep beep. It was my cousin, who texted my dad, letting him know that his wife has just given birth to their third child.

Instantly, I was taken back into the day of last Eid (Aidil Adha), where I was recuperating at my mom's in her living room following my D&C. As it was Eid, people were in and out, kids were running around nearby me and I was surrounded my relatives who came to visit poor me. From our conversation, I found out that she was also three months along. And then I found out another cousin was three months along. And then also another. It was really hard to hear that announcement in your living room, on Eid, where people were happy for them, but then they had to repress their happiness and muffled their excitement coz I was laying there lifeless (berpantang dalam bekung lagi) and holding back tears. Of course I felt cheated, for heaven's sake, this was not their first pregnancy for all my cousins and my first, but I lost it from early on. However, the hardest part was that they all sat quiet far away from me, I don't know whether they were sparing me the heartache, or whether they were scared of the herbs that I was taking which had a label warning to keep it away from pregnant ladies written hugely across it or whether they really thought miscarriages are contagious.

Where was I? Oh yeah, back to reality. So my Dad announced the good news to us. I faked a smile and asked what the baby's gender was. My Dad re-read the message but it did not say, so he wrote back asking the sex. By this time, I was getting more and more upset, as I know the days that follow will bring at least two, if not more announcements.

So without really thinking, I blurted out, "There was four of us in this together at the beginning, why did God chose to pick on me? WHY ME?!"

In a movie there would have been lightening and thunders on cue, but thank God that didn't happened. Instead, Beep Beep! the phone went. And my dad read out the message, telling us that it was a baby boy, and not a baby girl like my cousin and his wife had waited so long for.

My dad went on to preach aboout God and his plans. But I think I got my answers already. God had answered my question on the spot. He wasn't just picking on me. Everyone has their own little problems and grief to handle, and life isn't always perfect, even if they seem like they are for everyone else. And only God knows why things happen. As a believer, I need to have faith in Him.

Although I know my cousin feels bad about yet another baby boy (eyes rolled), at least it beats no baby at all right? And for the time being I'm left with only this as a painful reminder.....

Merdeka Parade

After almost a week and a half of training and rehearsing, I supposed I could say we did a good job with our gimmicks for the Merdeka Parade. Won't comment longer, too tired, but here are some pics. Indulge!

At the starting point

A quarter of the way. We were the third group from back, mind you, so there were plenty more up ahead of us....

Stopped marching for pictures

Another stop for pictures :D

Eyeing the competitors ahead of us

And the ones from behind us

Getting very ready to start now (thank God, after an hour and half in the sun)

And here we are doing the jives

Catching a bit of breath - Yzma, Me and ET

Taking a little break. All those marching had done our heads in

Just us chilling, "Underneath Pokok Kelapak..."

Happy Merdeka Day everyone! (Independence Day)

P/S: Merdeka Day isn't for another month, 31st August exactly, but we're so into the whole Merdeka Month Campaign, to get everyone hyped and into the mood. Selamat Hari Merdeka ke-50 Malaysia! We love you, muah muah !!!

P/S/S: Our jives did not entice the judges enough to bag anything home, but enough to say to say that we are very proud of our country. And if dancing is the way to show it, so be it!

Oi Blissful Moment, Come Back!

You know your time of blissful serenity is up when you went two weeks without hearing (yet) another pregnancy announcement and/or being asked, "Are you pregnant (yet)?"

Well today the general bliss that has followed me for awhile now is all but gone for I've encountered these two incidents in a span of ten minutes. Wow, what a blow. The cherry on top of the icing for today is that I've been told that I'm superfat and it is such a shame that I'm letting myself go and that I needed to lose weight now, by a super skinny someone who thinks that her assvice is helpful.

Ah... life's a bitch, ain't it?

p/s: maybe I need to lose weight, but why drag my miscarriage into it?

p/s/s: I'm slightly shaken, but still trying hard to maintain that positive attitude. Go, Riz! (I'm so desperate, I need to be my own cheerleader)

Night of the Friday 13th

The title of my post sounded like I'm gonna write something spooky, but no, I'm just a drama queen. Forgive me.

Pkay, so I've been neglecting my blog a bit this last few days. There's a few things I've drafted in my head that I wanted to write about, but time seems to be tiredlessly envious of me, so I never got a chance to put pen to paper yet. I'm still deep in my thesis correction, but at least it's looking like it's gonna be finished soon, which I am pretty happy about. This is what my working desk looks like, and its messiness varies from day to day. Like right now, it's a bit messier coz I've just had my morning break, so add on a mug, a plastic bag of kueh, few scrunched up Kleenex and a camera (I've got pics that I've just transferred to share with you guys - woohoo!) on my desk. Other than that, it's pretty much the same coz the piles you see on my desk contains papers after papers of references and I'm not about to put it somewhere else until this whole MSc ordeal is over and done with.

Anyway, here's what tiny space I have to work at each day.

Last Friday evening, my best male mate Sake and his newly wedded wife, Ummu came to our house. Since it was a working day, I whipped up Spaghetti Bolognese. It was pretty easy, and fast to cook too. Not to mention a fool-proof menu. Guaranteed to work everytime (I confess I used Prego, and what a lifesaver that was!) The only annoying thing was that it didn't come out as I would've liked it - I've seriously cooked better, but that was all to that.

It was nice having guests once in awhile, and it was great fun teasing the new couple. God, we felt like we were such a seasoned couple now, me and dear husband. I guess I don't need to elaborate more, here are the pics (p/s the setting of time and date on the camera is wrong, but too late, whoops) :

Yup, that's our house. We are such minimalist, aren't we? Like our dining table? It's Japanese. Heh.

Here is me playing the great hostess role. In one of the shot my husband took a video of me 'entertaining' the guests, and in that full one minute, I was talking non-stop, whilst the guests gave me encouraging nods and inserted a word or two in agreement to my point. When my hubs played it back to me, I was a bit embarrassed. Boy, I could really talk forever and not notice that my guests haven't spoken a word!

The menu, which in my opinion, was tasteless. Grrr.... As always, I forgot to snap the pics before we began eating, so here's what I got. At the very least if it didn't taste so good, it should've looked tantalizing. But too late for that, too!

My match-made-in-heaven-guests. I don't know if this was a newly developed thing, or if Sake had had the romantic thing inside him since like, forever (I really never had the time to find out if he really was the romantic guy, friends that are platonic never notices) but I'm guessing he has it now, and darn proud to show his PDA (public display of affection) after he got married, hehehe... note the matching blue-white themed outfits ;P You guys are too cute lah! Note to Sake: I know you read this, so that's why I sakat2 u, hehehe... jgn mare aaaa....

So that's how I spent my Friday the 13th night. How did you spend yours? :D

Please Hold Him For Me

Dear Lord, I would have loved
to have held my baby on my lap
and tell him about You,

but since I didn't get the chance,
would You please hold him on Your lap
and tell him about me?

- Riz -

Okay, not exactly a gloriously positive entray, but it beats whining right? That's positive, at least, right? right? right? :P

Let's Hear It For Ms Positive!.....

And go crazy with the exclamation marks !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woooo hooooo!!!!

Okay, sober now. It seems that I've been away for a good 12 days, Wow.

Sorry peeps, I've been really busy. For the entire of last week I was at a PhD Prep Course. I thought it was a blah, but it turned out great. It has finally put me into the right perspective and hey, believe it or not, I am looking forward to the future. Yay to the future!

I still have my MSc correction hanging over me, but not too long now. A bit more to reach my final destination, yee-haw!

Orait, you guys are probably thinking I'm weirded out right now, but these past few days, especially after taking those prep courses, I am left feeling positive and charged. I realize that I've always been mopey, and that's not good, so I'm taking a look back at my life, and I guess it's not that bad. I'm thinking ahead right now, and all I can see is the positiveness.

First step to losting positiveness: Lose weight. Uuuu yay... I even went woth friends to check out this provate gym, ahaks! Yeah, people have laughed when I dodged the mee soup this morning too, but to the hell with them. I'm doing things that are making me happy right now, even if it seems ridiculous or impossible la la la la!

And I'm in the marching team, where we're planning a one-minute gimmick up our sleeves. I love dancing!!!! Shhhh!

I think I'm going bonkers. I'd better stop now. Was it something I ate?